Bear Grylls

Why Bear Grylls has it easy.
Bear Grylls, as you may know, is the explorer who goes to random hostile environments and shows the public survival techniques. Now this either makes him a very brave man or a complete and utter drooling retard who has not yet understood hotels. Either way he has become an icon for a lot of people. Which mainly consist of two types of brain damaged folks; those who wish they could join the army but could not finish scouts, and scouts. He climbs mountains, sweats, drinks water from sand, and cuts open dead camels. He does a lot of overly pointless things to tell people pointless information. The clearest reason to understand why his show is pointless is that it will never aid any one. The sub human degenerates that watch that show are too fat and too lazy to even venture out the door and towards Pizza Hut without the need of a car. The whole concept of what he is doing seems alien to them – why eat dried turd when you can eat a McDonalds meal? Ironically, they both taste very similar. His show only teaches things that people who wish to do what he is doing already know, and those people will not watch that show to learn. And so I think I have come to the conclusion that he and what he does remains largely pointless. BUT there is something that can lighten the heart of even the most dead wretched soul. And it comes from deeper viewing.

As you watch Bear* do his inane tasks, it occurs to one that there is a brave, brave soul. That is the lowly cameraman. YES HIM! The guy who is forced to carry a heavy recording device on his back like a cross. He has to lumber this across cold or baking hot terrain. He does it so we can see someone actually go out and do stuff slightly more interesting than bingo. He is the one showing us the evil ways we live our lives from our microwave meals to our exciting adventures to a man made manicured plastic park. He does this for little or no thanks, not grumbling and not complaining. Not until the day he collapses from the strain and breathes his final words ‘the show must go on’ shall we realise the prophet that had been before us. He shall step up to the pearly gates, which I’m sure he will prefer as I’m sure they have Coke machines. And he will be welcomed by open arms by Jesus. (That’s mainly because he has trouble closing them.) And when Bear is finished pointing out how fucking lazy we are, and passes away, he will fall down to the fiery pits of hell where he shall be forced to wrestle Steve Irwin for eternity.












*quick television idea, Bear and The Dog team up to find Eskimo criminals.